Saturday, April 16, 2011

She Believes, He Doesn't

Matt and Tracy on The Atheist Experience give some advice to a male atheist who loves a female Christian. That's really a tough issue. In fact, I know I need to think about this a lot more. I'm single now, but nonetheless I would like to marry one day, and I need to work out my views about this. I've never had a problem dating Christian women, and most of the time they haven't had any issues with my views. Truth be told, I would like to find a woman who shares my naturalistic outlook on life. But that wish may very well (and in all probability, I'm afraid) not be fulfilled. Then what? If she's agnostic or some sort of generic theist, then I doubt any problem will arise. I'm not overeager to corral someone in to my exact belief system, especially since I consider atheism to be pretty well irrelevant to my day-to-day life. What worries me is falling for someone who is head-over-heels for Jesus or who is involved enough in Christianity that her beliefs end up causing her to worry about my eternal fate, or to do/say/support things that I consider foolish/wrong/immoral. I guess my solution to this problem is that I will generally try to seek women who do not meet the description I just gave, and further, if I do begin to get involved with a woman who meets that description, I'll try and persuade her of my point of view. And if that can't be done, I will know it is because she is a) correct, in which case my beliefs change and no conflict arises, b) wrong, but only because she doesn't have enough exposure to my beliefs, in which case further exposure and discussion will be called for and in which case she will either end up in the same boat as me or will fall under categories a or c, or c) wrong, and wrong because she refuses to listen to reason. If this woman is a C, then things become difficult. I mean, who would turn down a near-perfect woman just because she was short-sighted about one issue? On the other hand, a C could be a real problem when it comes to raising children or just in day to day life issues. Could a Christian woman with a more-than-lukewarm passion for her faith accept living with an atheist who blogs all kinds of things that she would consider devilspeak? Could I accept her? Should I? It's a difficult question, but at this point I'm just mulling over hypotheticals. And again, I'm hoping to dodge this one altogether.


Ckbep said...

You're way more open-minded than I am. I'd like to be in a romantic relationship again, but I don't think I'd even consider being with someone who takes religion seriously, just as I'd eliminate from consideration anyone who takes horoscopes or leprechauns seriously. I can cope with disagreements over minor stuff like favorite movies, sports teams, living room decor, etc., but I'd want my partner to have the same general outlook on reality vs. fantasy that I do.

On the other hand, your flexibility means you've got a much larger pool to choose from than I do! :-)

kilo papa said...

As a former Christian who now considers myself an Atheist, I would not want to date a believing Christian for the same reason that I would not want to date someone who believed that they were psychic
or practiced astrology or tarot cards or chased ghosts,etc.
Those are all beliefs that I think are intellectually absurd and I have no respect for those beliefs.

If I have no respect for the way in which a person comes to hold certain beliefs, particularly beliefs that are important to ones life and worldview, then I would never be able to share my life in such an intimate way with that person. It's about being able to have respect for your partners beliefs, even if you may disagree with them.

AIGBusted said...

Hi guys,

I reckon it would be very unlikely (maybe impossible) to find a perfect mate. So if I met a woman who was beautiful, kind, supportive, and fell in love with her, I would be more than willing to turn a blind eye to Christian belief (so long as this belief wasn't fanatical) or tarot cards, or astrology.